dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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