with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
