He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
