It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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