he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
