My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
