Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
