did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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