He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
