I just saw a hot homeless man
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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