we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
