That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize