I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
organizing the empties. That sober.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
