Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
