after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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