Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
