I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
