took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
