The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We got so high we made milksteak
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
