i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is wine microwaveable?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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