last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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