man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
