I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize