It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
