i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
