sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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