Fine. I'll sleep in my office
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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