Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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