I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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