Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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