Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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