i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
