Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
