I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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