you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you never un-have a 4some
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
