Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
