The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
