out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
