I molested 6 butterflies tonight
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
