I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
