it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize