Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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