Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
