i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
