I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
