either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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