I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
