You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
