if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
