Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
