Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize