Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
