What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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