sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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