He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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