When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
