you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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