I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
