I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
