went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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