You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
