3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
