This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
