I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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