I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
