He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
