It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she peed on how many people?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
