i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
