There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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