I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
